当我们考试失败时，并不是我们的错...

Got an email recently, quite an old one actually. I always had something to say about this email, since I've got it now, yeah.. The email's in Mandarin and so I'll try my best to translate it sentence by sentence into proper English. There goes:

其实，当我们考试失败时，并不是我们的错...
(Actually, it's not our fault when we failed in our exams...)

因为一年只有365天...
(Because there are only 365 days in a year...)

针对一个学生对一年的理论:
(Considering a student's arguments towards "a year":)

星期天~一年的星期天有52天。你也知道，星期天是让我们休息的。所以，还剩下313天...
(Sunday~There are 52 Sundays in a year. You know, Sundays are for us to rest. Hence, 313 days left...)

夏日假期~这50天的假期是非常炎热的，大家都会因为闷热而无心向学。剩下263天...
(Summer holidays~These 50 days of holidays are very hot, everyone won't have the mood to study due to the heat. 263 days left...)

每日的睡眠~8个小时让我们睡觉，去掉了50天。剩下141天...
(Sleep time~8 hours a day, used up 50 days. 141 days left...)

娱乐~每日抽出1个小时的时间让我们玩耍（为了身心健康）。用掉了一年里的15天，剩下126天...
(Entertainment~1 hour per day to have fun (For our physical and mental health). Used up 15 days in the year, 126 days left...)

饮食~2个小时让我们吃零食，喝饮料和每日三餐（咀嚼和吞食）。30天又过去了，剩下96天...
(F&B~2 hours for snacks, drinks and 3 meals per day (chewing and ingestion). 30 days passed, 96 days left...)

谈吐~1小时让我们和亲朋戚友说话（人也是一种爱交际的动物）。又减掉了15天，还剩下81天...
(Talking~1 hour to talk with friends and family (Human is a social animal). 15 days deducted, 81 days left...)

考试~一年最少也有35天。所以，还剩下46天...
(Exams~At least 35 days per year. Hence, 46 days left...)

特别节日（example:情人节）~大概也有40天，剩下6天...
(Special occasions (Example: Valentine's day)~Around 40 days, 6 days left...)

病痛（MC）~你偶尔也会生病，对不对？最少也MC三天。还剩下3天...
(Illness~You will get sick somehow. MC at least 3 days. 3 days left...)

盛大典礼~嗯...(example:结婚 / party)最少最少也有2天。结果，还剩下1天...
(Big ceremonies~Erm...(Example: marriage/party) At least 2 days. 1 day left...)

最后的一天:生日~你怎么可能在那天温习功课 / 补习！
(Last day: Birthday~How can you revise/go tuition at that day?!)

剩下: 0 ！！学生怎能顺利通过考试 ！就算通过考试，也不一定是一个活泼开朗的孩子了...
(Left: 0!! Students won't pass the exam! Even if they pass, they won't be active and happy children...)

=====
AFAIK, these days can't be calculated like that, as they are not necessarily independent to each other. Like, there are Sundays in the "summer holidays" as well, which makes it overlap each other already, try to recall the Venn diagram learned in Sets in our Maths. In fact, some calculations were terribly wrong as well.

=====

Anyway, Maths aside, from my point of view:

Sunday: no comment. 52 days.

Summer holidays: It should be mid-year and year-end holidays n M'sia. Taking my A-Level course as reference, what about I give it 8 weeks = 56 days? Or 9 weeks for gov'ment schools = 63 days. How about average approx. 60 days?

Sleep time: I sleep 4 hours during school days and 12 during holidays. Average it for 8 hours as well. 122 days.

Entertainment: 1 hour? Nah, I sit in front of my computer for at least 10 hours regardless of school days or holidays. 152 days.

F&B: Okay I follow. 30 days.

Talking: Sorry, all talking is done through internet. 0 day.

Exams: You take exams for a whole day? Max 10 days for me.

Special occasions: Sorry, no Valentine's, no Christmas. Maybe CNY, 5 days.

Illness: Sorry, no MC for me. Classes skipped due to illness = 0. 0 day.

Big ceremonies: Again, 0. Ok la count 1 day la.

Last day: Birthday: Birthday? When is my birthday? 0 day.

Total: 432 days.

Why? As I said, there was calculation errors in the original one, it won't take you long to find out which. By the way, if the "overlapping" days were to be deducted it should be well less than 365 days.

Now then, Maths aside again, I even have "debt days" in a year to study in my case. With entertainment (computer) being the most "time-consuming" thing to do (and the least useful in studying), why am I able to pass my exams with flying colours?

Well, yeah, maybe he's right. I'm a material to be an excellent introvert after all. That explains all.

(Due to the huge unrealistic errors and uncertainties, this post should not be viewed seriously)

Lost

Why? Why am I viewed as a 'special' one when I'm an introvert? Is being special a sin? Do I like being 'special' at the first place?

I always thought that I can focus on revising for my semester finals after my Malaysian Studies' presentation, and I can relieve my mental burden since asking me to go out presenting in front of the class is a nightmare to me. I gave my best, but the harder I try the worse off I am. Anyway, the presentation is now history and our "group" got 8/10. I don't know if I caused the deduction of 2 marks or not, but that's not my main concern and also not what I am going to talk about in this post.

So reflecting back to the questions at the opening, obviously I'm troubled by my introversion again. It will be a long post, not interested then leave ba.

Today, I felt uneasy since the moment I wake up, predicting something bad would happen to me. And yeah, on my journey to ICSJ, I made a lot of mistakes which could be fatal, but I still reached there safe and sound, but there was no parking near college premise. Eventually, I found one 'nice' spot just around the corner of Starbucks Coffee, so I parked there without hesitation due to my perfunctory observations of other cars parking there without any aftermaths. Paid the parking fees, and off to class.

Right, there were actually no classes and attendance was bad as people tend to stay at house to study for their finals or do what ever they want. Cut the crap short, I spent nearly half day at the library alone until breaks' over and I have to go M'sian Studies class. The same situation: <25% attendance, no class. I still went in anyway because I just know I won't study if I went back home earlier. It was a big mistake.
Some classmates from another section came in after me, they chatted with the lecturer. All of a sudden, they started finding profiles of other students in eCAMPUS and criticizing or talking whatever shit. Not everyone was 'chosen', but to my surprise, I was in the list. Of course, they turned down their voice when they were discussing about me, but no one knows that I'm good in eavesdropping (now I've compromised my specialty).

I think they were actually thinking that I'm deaf because I'm an idiot in communicative skills. But they were trying to discuss me when I was in less than 3 metres away from them, besides I'm sensitive to my name. I heard them mention me, so I continue looking my book lo, but paying attention to them. They lmao-ed when they saw my profile (I know, I wasn't prepared when the picture was taken). Then talks started, 'lan si', 'ji bai'(自闭 in Cantonese, a.k.a. autism. And yeah, I'm sensitive) was among the descriptions I can hear.

Most interestingly, they actually discussed which group of person do I talk to. Hell, is it that fucking important? I will only initiate a talk with people who have common interest(s) between us. I was labelled autistic for this. I will clarify this once and for all (who am I clarifying to? None of them has my contact!), introversion is not autism goddamnit. If I were to be an autistic person, none of you will actually know my presence because I will just sit at the most corner of the class instead of at the middle rows(although lonely). You can talk to me and I will reply you if I know how to, but of course not talking to me just to ask things from me every time.

Anyone knows how long was the time for me to have my closest friends currently? It took at least a year for EACH of them, yet still the bond was eroding.

5pm, class ended, went back to my car, and found out that I was summoned by PDRM for improper parking. So many cars around and only me hit the jackpot. So these were the bad things that was going to happen to me eh? Ok, I've hit my toll. I'm physically exhausted from sleep deprivation from the pressure of presentation and these mental blow. I drove very carefully back home to post this meaningless rant.

Why did all these events crush me at the same time? Now, I'm so heavily suppressed in the valley of darkness. Now, I have no more intention to study. Now, I've not only lost my aim to live, but could also lose my will to live anytime.
And don't worry, I strongly disagree with the captions.

Being introvert = mentally ill?

Finally there's this serious matter that came across my mind about myself. Am I born to be an introvert or was I forced by myself to be an introvert? I've always thought that I fully understand myself, but it seems like that's not the case now.

After six weeks in the new environment, I think I still haven't talk more than 100 sentences, be it short or long. Let alone making (true) friends. I envied those who said that they made dozens of friends in just 3 days. To me, to be able to make 5 friends in a year is already a great achievement. Other than classes, I would spend 99% of my time alone at either the cafeteria or the library. That's what made myself felt very different from the others, that I deserved to be isolated. And then I started to relate myself with all kinds of mental illness because I've yet to see other people as pathetic as me. It was painful.

I was always told that time will change everything. Yes it did. But for me it's more to a destructive change rather than a constructive one. The only place I can talk well in is the Internet. But then my mom said that my addiction towards computer is the cause of my present state. That made me even more miserable.

Recently I Googled about introversion to find if it's really a kind of mental illness or something. I was given informations that introversion is just a kind of personality. For mental illness, that would be autism, but I know I'm not that kind of person that locks myself in my room and won't face or talk to everyone. I'm just an introvert among many other introverts that I haven't met before that lives in an extroverted world. Instead of changing my personality, I could adapt to this world slowly. No point changing myself to lose my own self, for now.

Although introverts are usually misunderstood, we tend to make less friends when we don't reply much to others when they talk to us. When I say don't know, I mean it, not because I'm too kiasu to teach. Humans are social animals regardless of their personality, and everyone would like to have some friends as their companion. It's just that the way introverts make and define friends differently from extroverts. Just because introverts have their own set of rules, they should not always be labelled differently. Being introverted has its advantages too, though it differs with each individual:

10) Work Well With Others, Especially In One-to-One Relationships
9) Maintain Long-Term Friendships
8) Flexible
7) Independent
6) Strong Ability To Concentrate
5) Self-Reflective
4) Responsible
3) Creative, Out-of-the-Box thinking
2) Analytical Skills That Integrate Complexity
1) Studious and Smart

Source: http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifehack/top-10-advantages-of-introvert.html

For any other introverts out there (I just know there aren't any introverts here because I know who are my readers), visit these extra links and you might find it useful. Extroverts ignore these unless you would like to know more about introverts.
The Introvert's Personality Traits
What Introversion is NOT

So, don't worry, be happy. I shouldn't be worrying about my introverted problem now, but my 3 tests starting tomorrow. Holy cow I picked the wrongest time to do these. Bloody hell.

(A somehow hanging post, because I was interrupted by my sleep yesterday night. It was supposed to be posted yesterday, now my thoughts got lost.)